Monday November 6th

If only I could talk to her. I doubt it would help, she seems to be lacking reasoning skills. The more I think about the situation, I really dont "hate" her. I firmly do not agree with how she is handling things...but I dont and cannot hate her. (yet anyways)

To Whom It May Concern,

There are so many things I want to say to you. There are so many things R wants to say to you. Please, please find it in your heart to believe that R and I only want what is best for J. I believe that there are two sides to every story and I would certainly listen to your side, if you felt I needed to hear it. I cannot speak for anything that R did prior to us being together. I do know that R isnt perfect. I know he is a procrastinator. I know he avoids talking about his feelings and what is bothering him. What I also know is that he loves J with his whole heart. I believe he would do anything his son and those he cares for. I believe that R is also capable of change...every person is.
There was a time when you and Rodney loved each other, enough to bring J into the world and the love for J will never end. You are very blessed to be a mom! I also believe that you are fortunate for R to be the father. I understand that you feel that R should be paying more child support. I am obviously not a mother and really cannot relate to what it is like being a single parent. All I have are stories and statistics to go on. I firmly believe that being a single parent is extremely tough and I give you FULL props for succeeding! But are you aware that there are fathers, too many infactm that disappear, refuse to pay or work under the table so they dont have to pay??? You have a man, wanting to be friends with you or at least civil. You have a man willing to work endlessly with you to ensure that the son you two share is raised with everything he needs. What does J need? He needs the basic necessities; food, water, shelter and love. You are obviously very capable of providing all four of those but why would you deny your son from receiving love from other people beyond your family. J needs his father, he needs to know that he can trust R, talk to R and receive guidence from him. All of these things R wants to do for his son. He owes it to that little boy. Why are you denying J from love from R's family? Approving of R's family is beside the point. You felt that R and his family were good enough 8 years ago... they are his family, there is no denying that.
I dont know my father's side...and I feel like Ive missed out on a lot. Cousins, aunts, grandparents...memories, birthdays... who are those people? How could they have helped shape me into a better person? There is so much of my ancestory that I dont know...and now its pretty much lost in fights, lack of communication and unwillingness to forgive. Do you want that for your son?

You dont have to like me and we never have to communicate. I love Rodney, very much, and because of this, I care for J. I care for children in general. I care for them because I came from a home of parents that shouldnt have stayed together for the children. I care for children because they dont have a voice in all of this. Please, sit Justin down and ask him what he wants. Do you honestly think he would say he never wants to see R again?

R told me about the wrong doings. I am NOT proud of him for that and I know he isnt either. In the 9 months I have loved him though, I trust that he has changed from those things. We talk about these things and J all the time. He feels like he has lost so much and that he will never be good enough in your eyes or J's. From what I understand J knows of at least one wrong doing of R's. People make mistakes, I have, R has and Im sure you have...and J will make mistakes too. Do you want him to feel that making a mistake is the end of the world? Or do you want him to be able to come to his mother, talk to her about it, know that you will accept him no matter what and support him to fix it or learn from it?

In all of the conversations I have heard between R and J...R has NEVER said a mean thing about you. Infact I distintly remember a phone call that J wasnt happy with you and R reinforced to J that he MUST live by your rules and respect you. I was completely blown away by that! My sister and I are adults now, and neither of my parents say that about each other. When either is pissed at each other...we know all about it and hear all of the colourful insults that go along with it. That wasnt and isnt to fair to us...and it certainly isnt fair to J.

I hope that you can put aside the past with R, even though Im sure it will be hard and believe in him. Even if you dont agree with him, or us, nothing will change that he is J's father...and I believe that if you continue to neglect their bond and relationship... J might resent you for that. Maybe he wont, but every child wants to know their roots and their parents and why they were denied them.

We (R, myself and our families) want to be a part of J's life and help provide him with the life he deserves. There is so much love for him! Lets try to work together for J.