HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!

I have been doing some thinking...Im going to propose the idea to Rodney about having our own website...different and separate from this blog....to be honest...I dont even know if Ill keep up with this blog.

I was thinking something more of an online scrapbook with some journaling of our life together. We got a digital camera for christmas from my parents...so its a thought.

I know a few people that have webpages with msn groups. Are there any other suggestions?

Thanks!

-ps- After the inlaws leave I should have more time to recap on my last 3 weeks, Christmas and all of the chaos that the holidays have brought!

-pss- I have an interview in TWO DAYS!

Questioning my personal strength!

Its official. Rodney is going away for the month of January!!! Im very excited for him! He is going to the artic...and how many people in their life times can say...so yah...I spent a month in the artic! To be quite honest, Id love to go with him! Im already jealous of him having gone to Africa and Greece...but he doesnt have a choice...we are going to those places at some point together.
He also told me tonight that the unit has been told that starting in February they are expecting to do monthly exercises (5 days duration) to prepare for Afghanistan. Three dates for them have been floating around...August 07, November 07 or February 08. Ive heard (from another source) that the support units will be held off until more stability is gained. And after the last two casualities this week...the peace that appeared to be coming...is still very far away.
The THIRD thing he told me is that there was a huge memo sent out that Flight Attendants in the AirBuses that ship soldiers overseas and across Canada. Guess who thinks that would be an AWESOME three year contract. You bet! MY HONEY! I actually thought he was kidding at first. He came up with some pretty decent PROS to this though, and of course there are ALWAYS CONS! He said he would love the opportunity to travel (maybe he likes the idea of travelling alone lol)...he would see so many great places! The travel money would be great and it would be a nice temporary break from the Line Trade. Valid points. Cons include...well the insane amount of travelling and time away from home. Three years is a long time...I want babies and a warm body in my bed! :) The next most important is if it will hurt his potential from being promoted. He is in motion for getting is MCPL (hopefully within the next year) and his goal is to get his Sargents before he is finished his 20 years of service. The third would be moving to Trenton...

Meanwhile...Im thinking that he is remuster (change trades) and go Navy so we can move to Halifax!!!

So...now that its official...all that junk about being strong and supportive of Rodney going away....f-that! I dont want to live alone here for a month...and certainly NOT for 6-9months when he goes to Afghanistan. Oh and what about if he is gone for three years...off and on for three years. Can I do this? How do you do this? Im NOT leaving...I just hope I can be the woman he needs me to be.

Its been a while...

The biggest thing that went on recently...is the BRT workshop offered by the Petawawa Military Family Resource Center. Its called Basic Relationship Training. Now...before anyone gets their underwear in a bunch....R and I arent having problems within our relationship! So many people jump on saying that. It is a very educational course designed for Canadian Forces couples (although I think all couples should take this) to help with communication skills, listening skills, problem solving, expectations and open discussions about how to protect friendship, sex, sensuality etc.

One of the great things about this course for us...is that it reinforced that R and I are already on the right track. We try very hard to not let little issues blow into huge ones. Sometimes this is hard because of filters (tired, stressed, sick, past experiences) but now that we have been taught some really great techniques to help prevent so many things!

The course was last Tues and Thurs evening and then all day Saturday. Saturday was a very heavy day!

What else is going on? Ive been babysitting this week...and have Friday off. I have two employment opportunities. And over the phone interview this evening (in between babysitting and working at the store). This job is in the financial industry, And the other is a local day care interested in my resume and are apparently desperate for someone. (yay!) Ill certainly keep you posted.

Another idea that has been floating around in my head is opening an At Home Day Care in the basement. Start up costs would be the most trying..well other than finding homes for all of the stuff currently down there (oh and there is A LOT) Start up costs is also something that can build over time. Toys are things I can accumulate...

I quickly drew up a daily schedule...and things would be structured! There would be circle time, art time, outside time, rest time, free play, themed weeks and of course story time! :) I would also have weekly baking time, and depending on the amount of kids, a field trip to Kidzone, parks, swimming etc. It certainly would be a super fun idea.

I would like to see what the other two potentials amount to first.

Does anyone that reads this blog have any comments on anything :)

Thanks!

This was written by a soldier who has served in Afghanistan, I think it is well written and gives the viewpoint of those who serve this country.  I forward it for your consideration.  With Remembrance Day approaching, I would ask that we all give thought to those who have made the ultimate sacrifice so that we may live in freedom. Wear a RED Poppy, support our soldiers! Even if you dont believe in the mission, support the wives, husbands, parents, children and friends who have loved ones serving over there...mine is going soon.

Dear Jack Layton,

You sit there in your quiet home, no fear in your heart,
You sleep soundly certain that it won't be blown apart.

Your children they can go to school and play out in the park,
They've never seen a bomb explode, heard air raids in the dark.

They've never seen dead bodies piled up on the street,
Your wife, she won't be beaten, treated like a piece of meat.

You are free to form opinions, read any news print you can see,
You enjoy your rights and privileges in this country wide and free.

The reason you can live like that is because I fight your wars,
I fight and push the enemy back, I keep them off our shores.

I am here and you are there pretending you know best.
Well Ole Jack now listen close while I get this off my chest.

You have the right to criticize, you have the right to complain
You don't have the right to drag me down in a stupid political game.

The thing about your rights Ole Jack, the part you can't comprehend
Is you work in the very system, the democracy I defend.

I stand on fences around the world protecting those that need it,
It is not for you to determine Jack whether or not it's worth it.

Ask the people in Afghanistan if they want me to stay,
Women and children depend on me - you say just walk away.

I don't need your changing policy, trying hard to not lose face,
What I need is you behind me, helping protect this place.

You know its hard to do this when I think I'm all alone.
I hear stories of young punks pissing on memorial stones.

I read the papers over here and they tell me what is said.
Canadians are losing faith I can't get it through my head.

You say that it is hopeless, it really brings me down
Don't tell my mother we're losing, don't spread that rumour around.

I'm doing good, were winning here but no-one will believe
Because we are way over here where no one there can see.

Women here can work you see, children starting school.
We built a working government, we've broken Taliban rule.

We are so close to winning this, it's not too far away
History will show that we were in the right to stay.

When that brilliant day arrives, victory you'll claim is ours
You'll forget you said to run away - forget you are a coward.

On that day just thank me for my courage and my trouble,
Find another place that needs help, and send me on the double.

......................................................written by Josh Forbes Calgary Alberta Canada

Thank you Mr Forbes for that heart-felt piece! You certainly make many of us remember why we are so lucky to be Canadian!

Thank you to all of the men and women, especially the ones who laid down their lives for not only our country, peace and democracy but for the Afganny people. Heros are not NHLer, NFLers or MLBers....they men and women who believe passionately about making the world a better place and who work hard to keep their neighbours safe.

Again, wear a Poppy...a red one. And thank a soldier.

~

Monday November 6th

If only I could talk to her. I doubt it would help, she seems to be lacking reasoning skills. The more I think about the situation, I really dont "hate" her. I firmly do not agree with how she is handling things...but I dont and cannot hate her. (yet anyways)

To Whom It May Concern,

There are so many things I want to say to you. There are so many things R wants to say to you. Please, please find it in your heart to believe that R and I only want what is best for J. I believe that there are two sides to every story and I would certainly listen to your side, if you felt I needed to hear it. I cannot speak for anything that R did prior to us being together. I do know that R isnt perfect. I know he is a procrastinator. I know he avoids talking about his feelings and what is bothering him. What I also know is that he loves J with his whole heart. I believe he would do anything his son and those he cares for. I believe that R is also capable of change...every person is.
There was a time when you and Rodney loved each other, enough to bring J into the world and the love for J will never end. You are very blessed to be a mom! I also believe that you are fortunate for R to be the father. I understand that you feel that R should be paying more child support. I am obviously not a mother and really cannot relate to what it is like being a single parent. All I have are stories and statistics to go on. I firmly believe that being a single parent is extremely tough and I give you FULL props for succeeding! But are you aware that there are fathers, too many infactm that disappear, refuse to pay or work under the table so they dont have to pay??? You have a man, wanting to be friends with you or at least civil. You have a man willing to work endlessly with you to ensure that the son you two share is raised with everything he needs. What does J need? He needs the basic necessities; food, water, shelter and love. You are obviously very capable of providing all four of those but why would you deny your son from receiving love from other people beyond your family. J needs his father, he needs to know that he can trust R, talk to R and receive guidence from him. All of these things R wants to do for his son. He owes it to that little boy. Why are you denying J from love from R's family? Approving of R's family is beside the point. You felt that R and his family were good enough 8 years ago... they are his family, there is no denying that.
I dont know my father's side...and I feel like Ive missed out on a lot. Cousins, aunts, grandparents...memories, birthdays... who are those people? How could they have helped shape me into a better person? There is so much of my ancestory that I dont know...and now its pretty much lost in fights, lack of communication and unwillingness to forgive. Do you want that for your son?

You dont have to like me and we never have to communicate. I love Rodney, very much, and because of this, I care for J. I care for children in general. I care for them because I came from a home of parents that shouldnt have stayed together for the children. I care for children because they dont have a voice in all of this. Please, sit Justin down and ask him what he wants. Do you honestly think he would say he never wants to see R again?

R told me about the wrong doings. I am NOT proud of him for that and I know he isnt either. In the 9 months I have loved him though, I trust that he has changed from those things. We talk about these things and J all the time. He feels like he has lost so much and that he will never be good enough in your eyes or J's. From what I understand J knows of at least one wrong doing of R's. People make mistakes, I have, R has and Im sure you have...and J will make mistakes too. Do you want him to feel that making a mistake is the end of the world? Or do you want him to be able to come to his mother, talk to her about it, know that you will accept him no matter what and support him to fix it or learn from it?

In all of the conversations I have heard between R and J...R has NEVER said a mean thing about you. Infact I distintly remember a phone call that J wasnt happy with you and R reinforced to J that he MUST live by your rules and respect you. I was completely blown away by that! My sister and I are adults now, and neither of my parents say that about each other. When either is pissed at each other...we know all about it and hear all of the colourful insults that go along with it. That wasnt and isnt to fair to us...and it certainly isnt fair to J.

I hope that you can put aside the past with R, even though Im sure it will be hard and believe in him. Even if you dont agree with him, or us, nothing will change that he is J's father...and I believe that if you continue to neglect their bond and relationship... J might resent you for that. Maybe he wont, but every child wants to know their roots and their parents and why they were denied them.

We (R, myself and our families) want to be a part of J's life and help provide him with the life he deserves. There is so much love for him! Lets try to work together for J.

Sunday October 29, 2006 - Back to the Drawing Board

So I guess the angels decided to give me a smack for mocking God's plan. I have an incredibly sore back. I feel last Saturday at my moms and then started the new job - helping adults with physical disabilities. There wasnt much lifting, but the positioning of my back to help with Range of Motion exercises was enough to light a fire on my lower back. Monday wasnt too too bad...my back was tight. Tuesday I was stiff. Wednesday I was REALLY sore. Thursday was really bad. I was really late getting home because I had to keep stopping while with clients to give my back a break. I was in tears all the way home. I went to the hospital (because my family MD couldnt see me within the week) in Deep River. The MD gave me some great pain killers, told me to rest and apply some heat off and on. I called my boss and told her what the MD said and she said that it was probably best that I didnt work for them. She said that she had never heard of anyone having back issues from just Range of Motion exercises and when I brought up the fall she said that I shouldnt have started working then. sigh

Back to the drawing board for work. Im going tommorrow to register at the Red Cross to be certified to teach the BabySitting course and the PeopleSavers course. Im really excited about these 2 opportunities and I really hope that I can get more kids and schools involved.

I hadnt quit at the clothing store yet, and its probably a really good thing! With the Christmas season coming, Im hoping to get more hours...but Im obviously going to keep searching for something else....mainly that pays better.

Its Sunday evening...the eve of my 26th birthday! AHHH I cannot believe it! I also cannot believe that Rodney was 35 last Monday :P So we...well HE...made a cake for tonight and on Tuesday we are going to see SAW3! YIPPEEE!

Enjoy Halloween!!!

~

Friday October 20, 2006

Knock Knock...is God there please! I know I havent prayed to you in a long while, but I do pray to my grandparents and just incase they are having too much fun up in there together, I just really wanted to know when you are going to stop testing my patience! But then again it might not be just ME that is being tested. Maybe our relationship is being tested since we have been talking about getting married.

Alright...the last 5 days certainly have been difficult to say the least. But I have done a lot of thinking and Im cutting stressful things out of my life until I can get a grasp on some things.

I have identified my stressful parts of life as:
- school
- juggling 2 jobs
- volunteer brownie leader
- issue Rodney and I are having with his son's mother
- family issues
- money
- Rodney's grandfather passed away Monday morning

1) The passing of Rodney's grandfather has been really tough. We couldnt afford to fly home and couldnt afford for even just Rodney to go. I felt absolutely helpless for him. He has been talking a lot more to his siblings, siblings-in-law and parents. Im really glad for that! Im positive that his parents visiting will be great for everyone! We (R and I) have also offered to make up a scrapbook for Nanny Hayman like I did for Papa and will be doing for Nanny (as soon as my mom will let go of the items I need) Im going to let Rodney do as much as he can. It can be really emotional but it might be good for him. And then we will take out to NL when we go in the summer. This is emotional stress that I can certainly deal with and help Rodney through.

2) Volunteer Brownie Leader. What an unbearable mess this has been. With my increase in hours...I have decided to give up unpaid work. It would be great expierence but I just cant handle all of this right now. I do have hard feelings about dropping the girls....but I have other priorities that need me right now. Ill still buy cookies and will get back into it when my future girls want to be Sparks. But until then...no thanks.

3) Looks like we are going to have to come up with some money and hire a lawyer. She has been playing hard ball for long enough and we are both sick of this. I really cant go into detail about the issues with Rodney's son. I really wish I could, just to be able to vent it all out. This is also stress that I fully except and know I can work with. As soon as we can get a court order on visitation and child support cap, things will be much better for us.
It really annoys me that nothing is good enough for this woman. So many women go through fighting their children's fathers to even pay 50 bucks a month. I have seen it many times. My mother's brother was one of them for a while. And my Aunt Linda is currently going through that with her retarted ex-husband. He is purposely working under the table and working for cash so he doesnt have to pay Linda anything. And then there is Rodney. According to just his pay alone, he should be paying 473 a month. He has been paying 500 a month for years - even when his income was much lower. He's been overpaying for years. Ontop of that, anytime she calls and asks for money for any reason (new winter coat, shoes, boots, she was short on money etc) Rodney would email transfer her the money. Most times he did this without hesitation. But if he ever thought that she was just looking for more money for no good reason and he questioned her...she used Justin as a weapon, saying that if he didnt, Rodney couldnt see him for the coming visitation. And she has been getting away with this because there is no legal agreement. Now she is demanding payments be upped to 600 because an 8 year old boy now eats an extra hundred dollars worth of food a month. Might I add that Justin doesnt participate in anything expensive like hockey. Enough rating...Im sure Ill be given a hard time for what I already am saying.

4) Juggling two jobs. Currently working at the clothing store is going to post a lot of issues with the Ontario March of Dimes. March of Dimes means working at the most every other weekend, but my boss is pushing for one weekend a month and then when holidays come along we will work every other to cover that. Which is totally fine with me. The clothing store will certainly put me in for every other weekend with them. There goes all off time with Rodney. No thanks. I will have two jobs though. Im currently in the process of being certified to teach the babysitting course. This is a one day course to teach and they are hoping to give me one a month. I can handle one Sat a month to gain more teaching experience. (13 bucks an hour for this one too!) So Ill be letting the clothing store go within the next week. I was hoping to use my discount a little more before I quit...but I dont think that is going to happen. My first pay isnt until the 5th of November. I really dont wanna screw them over, even though it would be very easy but they have been very good to me. I really dont want to juggle two jobs like that, especially when the clothing store is 40 mins away and minimum wage. First and last job for minimum wage thanks.

5) Family issues. These are never going to go away. I believe that every person has it in them to change and I believe that some people DO change. The challenge is that changing is really hard and it doesnt happen over night, a week or even a month. I have hope that my family will change but I cannot change them. In the most recent email from Linda she just wants everyone to forget about what has happened and move on. That to me isnt moving on. Moving on would be further addressing all of these issues and making plans to fix things.
After a very emotional and lengthy talk with my sister, we vowed again to never act like my mother and her siblings. We also agreed that we cannot change anyone else other than ourselves. She fully supports me taking a complete step back. Although I feel terrible from doing this, especially from helping my mom and Terry directly, I think it is the right thing to do. I dont even know if my mom will even realize that Im doing this. I hope she does though, so that I can tell her that I want no part in the excuses and BS that everyone dishes out. I also want to help people who want to help themselves. My mom doesnt seem like one of them right now. Im not trying to cause any BS, Im just reacting to how others act. I think that is pretty fair...no?

6) School..yet another on going saga in my life. Once I can get a schedule from work, I can figure out times and places to study. My new work schedule leaves gaps of anywhere from 15 mins of waiting between clients to 4 or 5 hours. I wonder how pissy Tim Hortons will get if I sat in there and read? There is also the option of the library but its on the other side of Pembroke. Once I figure out where everyone lives I can better judge if its worth it going home.

And there you have it....

My life is never and will never be boring...