Questioning my personal strength!

Its official. Rodney is going away for the month of January!!! Im very excited for him! He is going to the artic...and how many people in their life times can say...so yah...I spent a month in the artic! To be quite honest, Id love to go with him! Im already jealous of him having gone to Africa and Greece...but he doesnt have a choice...we are going to those places at some point together.
He also told me tonight that the unit has been told that starting in February they are expecting to do monthly exercises (5 days duration) to prepare for Afghanistan. Three dates for them have been floating around...August 07, November 07 or February 08. Ive heard (from another source) that the support units will be held off until more stability is gained. And after the last two casualities this week...the peace that appeared to be coming...is still very far away.
The THIRD thing he told me is that there was a huge memo sent out that Flight Attendants in the AirBuses that ship soldiers overseas and across Canada. Guess who thinks that would be an AWESOME three year contract. You bet! MY HONEY! I actually thought he was kidding at first. He came up with some pretty decent PROS to this though, and of course there are ALWAYS CONS! He said he would love the opportunity to travel (maybe he likes the idea of travelling alone lol)...he would see so many great places! The travel money would be great and it would be a nice temporary break from the Line Trade. Valid points. Cons include...well the insane amount of travelling and time away from home. Three years is a long time...I want babies and a warm body in my bed! :) The next most important is if it will hurt his potential from being promoted. He is in motion for getting is MCPL (hopefully within the next year) and his goal is to get his Sargents before he is finished his 20 years of service. The third would be moving to Trenton...

Meanwhile...Im thinking that he is remuster (change trades) and go Navy so we can move to Halifax!!!

So...now that its official...all that junk about being strong and supportive of Rodney going away....f-that! I dont want to live alone here for a month...and certainly NOT for 6-9months when he goes to Afghanistan. Oh and what about if he is gone for three years...off and on for three years. Can I do this? How do you do this? Im NOT leaving...I just hope I can be the woman he needs me to be.

Its been a while...

The biggest thing that went on recently...is the BRT workshop offered by the Petawawa Military Family Resource Center. Its called Basic Relationship Training. Now...before anyone gets their underwear in a bunch....R and I arent having problems within our relationship! So many people jump on saying that. It is a very educational course designed for Canadian Forces couples (although I think all couples should take this) to help with communication skills, listening skills, problem solving, expectations and open discussions about how to protect friendship, sex, sensuality etc.

One of the great things about this course for us...is that it reinforced that R and I are already on the right track. We try very hard to not let little issues blow into huge ones. Sometimes this is hard because of filters (tired, stressed, sick, past experiences) but now that we have been taught some really great techniques to help prevent so many things!

The course was last Tues and Thurs evening and then all day Saturday. Saturday was a very heavy day!

What else is going on? Ive been babysitting this week...and have Friday off. I have two employment opportunities. And over the phone interview this evening (in between babysitting and working at the store). This job is in the financial industry, And the other is a local day care interested in my resume and are apparently desperate for someone. (yay!) Ill certainly keep you posted.

Another idea that has been floating around in my head is opening an At Home Day Care in the basement. Start up costs would be the most trying..well other than finding homes for all of the stuff currently down there (oh and there is A LOT) Start up costs is also something that can build over time. Toys are things I can accumulate...

I quickly drew up a daily schedule...and things would be structured! There would be circle time, art time, outside time, rest time, free play, themed weeks and of course story time! :) I would also have weekly baking time, and depending on the amount of kids, a field trip to Kidzone, parks, swimming etc. It certainly would be a super fun idea.

I would like to see what the other two potentials amount to first.

Does anyone that reads this blog have any comments on anything :)

Thanks!

This was written by a soldier who has served in Afghanistan, I think it is well written and gives the viewpoint of those who serve this country.  I forward it for your consideration.  With Remembrance Day approaching, I would ask that we all give thought to those who have made the ultimate sacrifice so that we may live in freedom. Wear a RED Poppy, support our soldiers! Even if you dont believe in the mission, support the wives, husbands, parents, children and friends who have loved ones serving over there...mine is going soon.

Dear Jack Layton,

You sit there in your quiet home, no fear in your heart,
You sleep soundly certain that it won't be blown apart.

Your children they can go to school and play out in the park,
They've never seen a bomb explode, heard air raids in the dark.

They've never seen dead bodies piled up on the street,
Your wife, she won't be beaten, treated like a piece of meat.

You are free to form opinions, read any news print you can see,
You enjoy your rights and privileges in this country wide and free.

The reason you can live like that is because I fight your wars,
I fight and push the enemy back, I keep them off our shores.

I am here and you are there pretending you know best.
Well Ole Jack now listen close while I get this off my chest.

You have the right to criticize, you have the right to complain
You don't have the right to drag me down in a stupid political game.

The thing about your rights Ole Jack, the part you can't comprehend
Is you work in the very system, the democracy I defend.

I stand on fences around the world protecting those that need it,
It is not for you to determine Jack whether or not it's worth it.

Ask the people in Afghanistan if they want me to stay,
Women and children depend on me - you say just walk away.

I don't need your changing policy, trying hard to not lose face,
What I need is you behind me, helping protect this place.

You know its hard to do this when I think I'm all alone.
I hear stories of young punks pissing on memorial stones.

I read the papers over here and they tell me what is said.
Canadians are losing faith I can't get it through my head.

You say that it is hopeless, it really brings me down
Don't tell my mother we're losing, don't spread that rumour around.

I'm doing good, were winning here but no-one will believe
Because we are way over here where no one there can see.

Women here can work you see, children starting school.
We built a working government, we've broken Taliban rule.

We are so close to winning this, it's not too far away
History will show that we were in the right to stay.

When that brilliant day arrives, victory you'll claim is ours
You'll forget you said to run away - forget you are a coward.

On that day just thank me for my courage and my trouble,
Find another place that needs help, and send me on the double.

......................................................written by Josh Forbes Calgary Alberta Canada

Thank you Mr Forbes for that heart-felt piece! You certainly make many of us remember why we are so lucky to be Canadian!

Thank you to all of the men and women, especially the ones who laid down their lives for not only our country, peace and democracy but for the Afganny people. Heros are not NHLer, NFLers or MLBers....they men and women who believe passionately about making the world a better place and who work hard to keep their neighbours safe.

Again, wear a Poppy...a red one. And thank a soldier.

~

Monday November 6th

If only I could talk to her. I doubt it would help, she seems to be lacking reasoning skills. The more I think about the situation, I really dont "hate" her. I firmly do not agree with how she is handling things...but I dont and cannot hate her. (yet anyways)

To Whom It May Concern,

There are so many things I want to say to you. There are so many things R wants to say to you. Please, please find it in your heart to believe that R and I only want what is best for J. I believe that there are two sides to every story and I would certainly listen to your side, if you felt I needed to hear it. I cannot speak for anything that R did prior to us being together. I do know that R isnt perfect. I know he is a procrastinator. I know he avoids talking about his feelings and what is bothering him. What I also know is that he loves J with his whole heart. I believe he would do anything his son and those he cares for. I believe that R is also capable of change...every person is.
There was a time when you and Rodney loved each other, enough to bring J into the world and the love for J will never end. You are very blessed to be a mom! I also believe that you are fortunate for R to be the father. I understand that you feel that R should be paying more child support. I am obviously not a mother and really cannot relate to what it is like being a single parent. All I have are stories and statistics to go on. I firmly believe that being a single parent is extremely tough and I give you FULL props for succeeding! But are you aware that there are fathers, too many infactm that disappear, refuse to pay or work under the table so they dont have to pay??? You have a man, wanting to be friends with you or at least civil. You have a man willing to work endlessly with you to ensure that the son you two share is raised with everything he needs. What does J need? He needs the basic necessities; food, water, shelter and love. You are obviously very capable of providing all four of those but why would you deny your son from receiving love from other people beyond your family. J needs his father, he needs to know that he can trust R, talk to R and receive guidence from him. All of these things R wants to do for his son. He owes it to that little boy. Why are you denying J from love from R's family? Approving of R's family is beside the point. You felt that R and his family were good enough 8 years ago... they are his family, there is no denying that.
I dont know my father's side...and I feel like Ive missed out on a lot. Cousins, aunts, grandparents...memories, birthdays... who are those people? How could they have helped shape me into a better person? There is so much of my ancestory that I dont know...and now its pretty much lost in fights, lack of communication and unwillingness to forgive. Do you want that for your son?

You dont have to like me and we never have to communicate. I love Rodney, very much, and because of this, I care for J. I care for children in general. I care for them because I came from a home of parents that shouldnt have stayed together for the children. I care for children because they dont have a voice in all of this. Please, sit Justin down and ask him what he wants. Do you honestly think he would say he never wants to see R again?

R told me about the wrong doings. I am NOT proud of him for that and I know he isnt either. In the 9 months I have loved him though, I trust that he has changed from those things. We talk about these things and J all the time. He feels like he has lost so much and that he will never be good enough in your eyes or J's. From what I understand J knows of at least one wrong doing of R's. People make mistakes, I have, R has and Im sure you have...and J will make mistakes too. Do you want him to feel that making a mistake is the end of the world? Or do you want him to be able to come to his mother, talk to her about it, know that you will accept him no matter what and support him to fix it or learn from it?

In all of the conversations I have heard between R and J...R has NEVER said a mean thing about you. Infact I distintly remember a phone call that J wasnt happy with you and R reinforced to J that he MUST live by your rules and respect you. I was completely blown away by that! My sister and I are adults now, and neither of my parents say that about each other. When either is pissed at each other...we know all about it and hear all of the colourful insults that go along with it. That wasnt and isnt to fair to us...and it certainly isnt fair to J.

I hope that you can put aside the past with R, even though Im sure it will be hard and believe in him. Even if you dont agree with him, or us, nothing will change that he is J's father...and I believe that if you continue to neglect their bond and relationship... J might resent you for that. Maybe he wont, but every child wants to know their roots and their parents and why they were denied them.

We (R, myself and our families) want to be a part of J's life and help provide him with the life he deserves. There is so much love for him! Lets try to work together for J.