Tuesday October 3 2006

A few things on my mind today. One of which Im not allowed to blog about.
Another thing is Volunteer Work - particularly in Girl Guides. I grew up in Girl Guides and Im certain that my children will be in Girl Guides and/or Scouts. I was a Brownie Leader for 2 years in Beachburg and loved it! Took some time off when I lived in Kingston but now that I have found myself in a town where everyone is so tight knit, I need some ways to have some fun! So I signed back up to be a Brownie Leader. Upon re-registering, I told the Commissioner that I didnt want to be the contact leader and didnt want to be a treasurer. So basically third or fourth on the food chain of the Brownie Unit. She was totally cool with that. As the starting of Brownie rolled around, the contact leader moved up to Guides (without her, there wouldnt have been Guides) and I become the contact because out of the rest, I was most experienced. But, I had 2 other leaders (including a treasurer) and a Junior Leader...so I figured everything would be fine. Last Monday was meeting #3 and we were in crisis. The Junior Leader and the Treasurer stopped coming and will not return phone calls. I felt very unorganized, alone and and and and. So I called the Commissioner and told her that something had to change....and boy did she take me seriously! :) She found a leader from last year, who wanted to take a break this year but said she would come back temporarily until we found permanent replacements. So Striped Owl (her Brownie Name) and I had a 2 hour meeting and got things under control. I still dont have someone for Treasurer...and I really dont want to be Brown Owl (meaning head leader) and Treasurer. The Commissioner is taking the books off my hands for now. THANK GOD!!!! So I guess things are turning around....

Next item on my list is holidays. Holidays either bring out the best in people or the worst. My family...who freaking knows. In the past we all just have sucked up every emotion, feeling and thought and pushed through the event to make other people happy. Most of you know that I have some pretty strong opinions on things, and family is certainly one of them. Ill never forget the feeling I had when I realized that my family just isnt as great, close and tight as I had been made to believe. For years, my mother told me, well more like demanded me to keep my mouth shut and basically pretend that I like everyone simply because Papa was sick and she wasnt about to have ME ruin a holiday event. After Papa passed away, my mom made is clear to everyone that we ALL were to keep this up for Nanny, and then Nanny got sick, really sick, so we obviously kept the peace for her final holidays with us.

So this Christmas...this Christmas is certainly something special for me. Its our (Rodney and me) first Christmas so I want it to be special. Secondly...it looks like Mr and Mrs Keeping are coming to stay with us over Christmas and I really want to make sure that they have a great Christmas!!! Rodney hasnt had Christmas with his parents in about 10 years, so it is going to be a good one for so many reasons!
But see there are some issues. I have an aunt that has dug herself a serious hole and I dont think I even know the whole story. She is completely broke and borrowing money from whomever she can. I have NO idea if she is taking money (because she NEVER pays it back) from my mother. And if she is, all hell is going to break loose (Stace and I both agreed on this one) My mother, after taking a number of years OFF from work to care for her parents is back to work and working like a horse. She is working two different jobs, in two different towns, one full time and the other part time. She working like this because she has a huge house and a ton of household expenses and she isnt ready to let the house go yet. (I dont blame her, I love that house and hope to own it some day) So if there is a money sucking family member out there who is now taking from my mother because she cant take from her own anymore....Ill be the first to intervene there. I know I cannot control my mother's life, but I will make it very VERY clear that this needs to stop. This same aunt just left her husband and has two teenagers. These teenagers have no respect for others and have learned less discipline than my sisters cats (inside joke that only few will get but trust me...her cats dont listen/behave at all). Rules mean absolutely NOTHING to them but really, why should they when they weren't taught that there are consequences in life for stupidity!!!! At 14 and almost 16, they swear, back talk, and the 16 year old drinks, alot. He constantly is taking/stealing mouthfulls of anyone's booze. Its just complete chaos.
My Uncle Terry brings a certain amount of chaos, but what do you expect from a man who is dual diagnosis and has never been on the correct perscription of medications???? He cannot stand these 2 teenagers and they irrate him to no end. The only difference is that he is allowed to yell at them or about them because he is Terry. But when there is a calm environment, he is great! The amount of chaos that Terry brings, to me, is ligit and he will ALWAYS be involved in MY holiday events.
My Nanny Mary (great grandmother) also brings a certain amount of chaos. The woman is almost 100, alive and kicking, smokes like a chimey, steals smokes and pretty much anything she can get her hands on. She also refuses to bathe, Im certain her sense of smell is gone...(ew) But she is Nanny Mary. She has lost her mind, literally, her stories make ZERO sense because she takes bits and pieces from every story she knows and makes up her own. But that is rather funny. I think she would really like to meet Mr and Mrs Keeping though!

We are apparently having Thanksgiving dinner on Monday evening at my mom's. Almost like a preview of things to come.

I spoke with Stace last night and she said that even though I feel the way I do, I simply cannot NOT invite certain family members to Christmas dinner. But it's different (apparently) because my mom's other brother, Tim, is CLEARLY not welcome in the family anymore. He chose to rid us all and we are JUST FINE with that. His children, my cousins, are more than welcome at my place anytime, anywhere and ALL the time! They know this. Their mother, Tim's exwife is also welcome too. Im not sure how this is any different. My aunt sucked money out of her parents, just like Tim. My aunt neglects her children, just like Tim (well he abused/abuses them). My aunt is an alcholic and Tim was (maybe even is).

I honestly dont know what to do.

Wednesday September 20, 2006

Oh man...almost end of the month already...I cannot believe how quickly its flown by! 7.5 months! Yeehaw! The last couple days...well the last week or so has been nutzo! Poor Rodney has been so tired with work...but Im glad he is busy, he seemed so bored in Kingston! And! He is also being able to show leadership, which he really couldnt in Kingston. He worked with more civis than combats. The new job is so far doing alright! My coworkers are all very nice and extremely helpful. Im still trying to get a feel for selling clothes. I always try to put myself in their shoes - I dont want to be too pushy but I dont want to loose out on a sale. ARGH! I guess it will come with practice. I did have one good sell yesterday though! YAY me! And I cannot praise the discount enough! 50% So yesterday I bought a jacket and two shirts! I need a tank for under one of the shirts and I am on order to get a few things for Stace and my mom!

My feet have just been a killing...I found some nice ones at Sport Check but they didnt have a 7!!! So Im waiting for them to come in. :)

One a different note...my thoughts and prayers are with the students and staff at Dawson College...I cannot even imagine what last week (and even now) was like for them. School is supposed to be a safe place, especially in Canada let alone North America! I alsmot feel that the more we try to change other parts of the world...the worse our own gets. This shouldnt be a balancing act. As the middle east starts to improve, America shouldnt decline...but that is what seems to be happening! How can we help other countries when ours desperately needs help. I believe in helping those countries, especially now because so many innocent people believe in a better way of life but cannot challenge their goverment.
I was watching an interview with a rep from a security and he was saying that it is possible to put cameras and metal detectors at the entrances. Which IS a possibility....I cannot imainge my old high school having that...
I cannot remember who this woman was...Im sure she was on a board of education in PQ. She did make a good point that faculty and staff need to do their best to see warning signs to prevent things like this to happen. Great! Im all for prevention, but the older the person gets, the easier it is for that person to mask potentional signs and the harder it is to reach them.
If prevention is the answer, most of the work has to be in when kids are just starting out. Money and resources need to be in all levels of education...but building healthy kids is important. Fostering ways early on. Children need to be taught and SHOWN positive ways of releasing anger, dealing with difficult situations and how to communicate. Teachers need to be supported in today's educational system. They are extremely over worked and underpaid, but not only that. They have a very strict guildline of what to teach and how long to cram it into the students. There arent enough EA's or Tutors in the Classroom. The children are should be an extremely high priority....maybe even higher than the military. We, as a community and nation, are responsible for raising the next generation of soldiers...everything is linked together.

I am actually starting to see youth in my grandparents eyes, when they used to say "We didnt do things like that in our day" Of course not...99% of mothers stayed at home, which Im certain is one of the major reason we are loosing youth to crime, drugs and dropping out. How can a couple raise a child when they constantly tell the child(ren) "sorry I cant help you, Im busy with work or whatever the excuse is" Sure they raise a child...but with very low selfesteem, self-worth and almost zero self-respect which leads to not respcting others. Im certain that another reason children of the coming generation will be considered to be the lost generation is technology. Too many people are obsessed with sitting infront of a pc rather than reading to their kids, being involved with their school and/or community. Please can I raise my children inside the house all the time...just put the tv on and Ill play on the pc?!?!?!?

Its very evident in the military community...there are so many children, under 10, running around outside without parents or at least a teenager. Actually, outside my office window (across the street) there are 4 children jumping on a huge trampoline. Full props to the kids for being outside and being active, instead of plunking infront of the tv or a game system!!! At least two of these children arr under 6 and the oldest might be 11. Not exactly safe...and to make matters worse they are playing dodge ball on the trampoline. Im just really hoping that mom is watching them from the kitchen window!!!
It was like this in Kingston, when I took the girls to the Splash Pad...so many young kids without parental supervision. It's sad really...

Friday September 8, 2006

When the day started today, we thought Rodney would be home around lunch time and we would run a bunch of errands together. Well when you are married to the military and are up for promotion - you do what you need to.

The wounded soldiers from Afganistan are arriving in Ottawa later this afternoon and Rodney was one of the few picked to go to Ottawa today to assit them coming home and be in the parade. (Which Im assuming is to honour them) As much as this sucks - this week has been pretty nutzo for Rodney. Tuesday and Wednesday he was on the ranges from 6 till 11, had a normal day yesterday (but with tons of talk of the 5 fallen soldiers and the 1 that died on the Terry Fox Run) and today he is going to Ottawa. Petawawa is a very sad town today! With the wounded coming home and the funerals for the 5 fallen in Afganistan. It is getting closer and closer to home. A friend of ours, Jamie knew 2 (possibly 3 - I cant remember) of the fallen from Afganistan. Her boyfriend and R's cousin's husband is over there right now.

So it looks like Rodney is gone until into the late evening/night tonight. So, my afternoon consists of taking Shayde to the groomer, going to the bank, registering Shayde, picking some things (including wine and coolers), picking up Shayde from the groomer and then coming home and doing laundry (mostly combats) and working on Anatomy. YEEHAW!

I almost forgot. I got a job in retail. Its shitty pay but a 50% dicount so Im thrilled about that. I also have a care giving job interview tommorrow and an interview on base on Tuesday for Recreation Programmer. YEEHAW!!! Petawawa is proving to have more opportunities than I thought. But then again...the bumpy road called my life is starting to smooth out and its much better when riding with someone beside me rather than alone.

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-ps- we have been talking more about getting married! :) Still looking at the summer of 08, but it will be tough, Ill be start at either Ottawa U or Nippising that fall for the Bed program.

Tuesday September 5, 2006 - Facing Reality, Facing Mortality

Condolences just arent enough for the 5 families of those 5 soldiers killed in Afganistan over the long weekend. I couldnt sleep last night, so many thoughts running through my head. Rodney is on the list to go, if not February (which he and most of the times I want) then for sure in November. Yes, I want him to go, most of the time. It is his job as a soldier and he is more than overdue to serve there. Of course the risk is growing higher and higher and I would be more than devastated should anything happen - but - I believe that God has a plan and if Rodney is to die young, he will. Whether it be serving his country or in a car or walking down the street. Of course I am selfish when it comes to things like this...no wife or girlfriend wants their husband or boyfriend to be gone for 6 months, to see the things he sees, hears the things he hears nor bring them back to "normal" life. But then I think about the soldiers and the families, especially here in Petawawa who have had no choice but to have 2 or 3 tours in the last 4 years, while guys in Kingston, Trenton and all over Canada haven't had one at all. Rodney has had 2 tours, short ones, but two none the less. Afganistan and Africa. So I feel, and I think he feels, that he owes his fellow soldiers at least one more - of 6 months. I know if I was in the position of Rodney having 2 tours in a few years, I would be protesting. And hell it might come down to that. As the base camp grows, more support crews are needed. Even more hellish, the way things are going it might not even matter who you are or what your trade is - the Afgannies are ruthless and want NATO out of their country - its going to take many years for this to end. It sickens me that our military is PEACEKEEPING! We arent Americans! And everyone KNEW that voting in Harper meant a huge military ordeal....so...on behalf of all of the military families - THANK YOU TO THE CONSERVATIVES for voting in Harper and putting all of our soldiers in harms way. Yes...thank you. And for Harper to say he is deeply saddened by the last fallen soldier on account of AMERICAN FIRE - oh dear god...this whole operation doesnt make any sense anymore. Bush wants our help in the War Against Terrorism - but really...we are terrorists in their country... and then we get sent to the front lines when BOTH Harper and Bush know that PEACEKEEPERS dont belong there, let alone reservists. But we are Canadians and we do it anyway. And then... an Amercian plane shoots at us! MAKE UP YOUR F-ING minds who you want on your side!
I really hope that after the family of the young Pte who was killed on the account of the Americans speaks up and speaks up LOUD!
In my opinion...Harper just hung himself as being voted in a second time for PM. The Canadian Military families make up a huge portion of this great nation...and there are a lot of pissed off people.

Anyways...enough of that...my blood is boiling enough. Should Rodney get the Feb07 tour, we will be buying a house this tme next year - which makes me oh so happy! Which will just be oh so convienent! We will just get the PMQ set to the way we want it and BOOM move again! So I think within the next year Mr Keeping and I will have to sit down and have a chat about moving...because...with my moving record...we will get settled in the newly bought house and BOOM posted somewhere else or BOOM he is getting out of the army and Im sure as hell NOT staying here if he gets his release. hahaha I met a man that brings just as much chaos as I do!

So we survived the really crappy weather weekend. We put up some solar lights, the office book shelf, an army gear shelf, a table for the fish tank and went visiting! We visited Rodney's first cousin who just had a baby - Evan. What a friggen cute baby!! Her mom, Rodney's mom's sister, is here from NFLD. It was really nice to finally meet some of his family. The father of the baby - DJ - is currently overseas. He is an armoured soldier. He left days after baby Evan was born. Can you imagine????? Nothing like a dedicated soldier. We are praying for a save return.

Today I got my first taste of army reality. Rodney was out of the house by 6ish to hit the ranges (shooting practice) and he will be there till 1130ish tonight. He called about a half hour ago and asked me to pick up some munchies for tommorrow. They are back out there for 530am till 1130. I say they get Friday off! :)

We are also waiting to hear about the upcoming excercises in NB and AB, 2 weeks and 6 weeks respectively. I think waiting to know is the hardest part.

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Saturday September 2

Well its official!!!!!! Rodney and I are officially living together!!! Living on base isnt all that bad - Im really starting to love our cosy 3 bedroom place! A few rooms are still in semi chaos. :)
Our bedroom is done - I LOVE OUR NEW BED!!!! Thank god for Queen Sized beds!!! So much room! ;) We are currently saving up for 3 dressers - I cannot believe the amount of clothes we have! And we are purging down too!
The bathroom is done - I have too much crap and I am well aware of that. I do want to get a few cute little photos for one piece of wall that is pretty bare.
The offie is coming along. We are getting 1 (or 2) bookcases tommorrow for all of my text books etc. I think Im going to try selling some of the ones I know Ill never use again. I wonder if AU buys back? hmmm
Justin's room is complete chaos!!! The futon isnt together and there is a miss mash of everyone's in there. We are getting new nuts and bolts tommorrow so the futon is going up tommororw or Monday for sure.
The living is awesome! I love it. Just the fish tank to set up. We are getting a stand tommorrow.
The kitchen is almost done. We just need the table and chairs from my dad - the table is FIXED!!! We are also looking for "kitchen wall art" Its not easy to find.
The basement is total chaos - I hate going down there. People weren't kidding when they said that when you marry a soldier you marry the military....there is SO much cam. pattern stuff and army green stuff I want to just burn it all!!!! hehehe But we are making progress. He is taking some things into work to store there and taking other stuff to the army surplus (the stuff that is out of date)

So...I have offically decided to NOT do an at home day care. We went over our finances and although we are not having a joint bank account, we are going to support each other. So I am going to work part time (I have an interview on Tuesday) and then Ill be putting up tutoring signs. Im also going to contact some of the local principles around to see if any of them can hook me up. Our biggest thing is me finishing my degree and then working on a B.ed. Im really excited for all of this happening. He has been such a great source of support in leaving the Nanny job and ensuring me that things WILL work. Not everything is fueled by love. Im still thinking about a living contract.

All in all..the last little while has been really stressful - including some things that arent talked about in this blog out of respect for a little 8 year old boy. But all in all...I feel 100% supported and supportive in a relationship - something I have never felt before. Its damn scary but feel amazing.

Speaking of amazing - Rodney's cooking dinner and it smells AMAZING!!!

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