Tuesday July 25, 2006
You would think that when having an entire week off, I would post more. HA! I went home to Lapasse for the week and let me tell you - my mother had lists upon lists of things for me to do. It was simply, INSANE! Im glad though, that I could take the time to get some things done for her.
I finally went up to Nanny and Papa's headstone for the first time since Nanny passed away. I stood there, just staring at the markings. It still doesnt seem right. I really dont like how the soil ontop of her site is still soil and not grass. There was bird poopoo all over the headstone so on Sunday, Rodney and I went up and I cleaned it off. We also put a solar humming bird light thingy beside. When Rodney and I were up there, I tried so hard to fight back the tears but I couldnt help it. I wish, so bad, that they could have met.
Rodney spent most of the day helping my dad cut down some trees in the backyard. Im glad that the two of them had some bonding time. My father is soooo quite and reserved these days - but Im sure Rodney talked up a storm. Im so glad that Rodney offers to help my parents out in any way. For my boyfriend and parents to get along is sooo important! Im really hoping that Rodney's parents and I are able to build that.
Tommorrow the movers come to pack up and load up the moving truck (well between tommorrow and Thursday) at Rodneys. So tonight, R and I are renting a truck in town, and moving ALL of my stuff to his place. hehehe Ill pay like 40 bucks rather than 400 in a month. Makes sense to me! :) I think that is why I havent slept in two days. He is leaving, my stuff is leaving. We have a place, a new phone number - everything is ready. Am I?
Am I ready to move in? Am I ready to get serious? Ive been living at R's since the house hunting trip and I wouldnt have it any other way. So then why am I not sleeping? Im afraid of failure. Im afraid of disspointing him. Im not afraid of things not working out. Im sure they will. If they dont - of course Ill be sad but Ill live.
Maybe Im afraid of finally moving on with my life. Ive been in limbo land for just over 5 years - since Jeremy. The world hasnt made sense in a long time and finally its starting to. Im realizing my dreams again, starting to like who I am and what I've become. Im angry, veryry angry that Ive been in limbo land for so long. I feel like Ive missed so much of my life. Ive missed a good part of my twenties. I have a lot of catching up to do with school and retaking courses that Im not happy with the marks. But Rodney says its all ok. I couldnt have asked for a more supportive guy.
My mom reminded me last week that Im still getting Nanny's engagement ring. Im unsure why she hasnt already given it to me. Im sure it will be hard for her. Is she waiting for something? Ive always wanted that ring - from when I was a little girl - its just so simple and represents so much to me. But I always thought that I would keep it in a safe place or wear it around my neck. I dont feel that way anymore. Now that R and I are talking about getting married - oh boy.
Marriage! Can you you all believe it!!!! We have already talked about certain plans - like getting married in Ontario and then having another ceremony/reception in Newfoundland for his side of the family. He already asked me if I know who will be my bridesmaids! AHHHHHHH I have a few girls in mind and I already know who I will ask to be the master of ceremonies. I have so many ideas for everything. I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
More later!
