Sometimes, life throws you curve balls that you cannot control, that you cannot explain or figure out what the learning experience is supposed to be. This post is going to explain why I feel very resented for becoming busy.
When I moved to Kingston, I started working at one of the local call centers (Assurant Solutions). One of the worst jobs of my life let me tell you! But I met some nice people and became quite good friends with Justin. His girlfriend had a baby - Jacob - in June and they asked me to be Jacob's Godmother. Needless to say, I was thrilled! Jacob spent a lot of time with me and when needed, I was the babysitter. For quite some time, Jacob and I were spending 2 days a week together. Simply awesome!
A few days ago, Justin told me that he wanted child care receipts for every time I babysat. Never before had he mentioned this, and obviously, I wasnt keeping track. Had I known I was claiming this minimal income, I would have recorded every day and all expenses that I incurred to ensure that Jacob was being given the optimal care he deserves!
- I bought an exosaucer, brand new from a second hand store for less than half the price
- I was regularly buying formula so they didnt have to worry about sending theirs
- I bought other little toys for him to have here
Justin became outraged when I said I wasnt going to provide him with a receipt. Saying that I was screwing him over and didnt care and tried to convince me to write him a receipt and for me not to claim it. This clearly showed me that he didn't care if I was committing fraud - he wants as much money as he can get from the government. He claims he told me from the beginning he wanted receipts, but why would I disregard that? Why would I intentionally try to "screw" a friend. I also told him that IF he had told me this, I would have asked him to take deductions off my pay. Makes sense?
Immediately he brings up that I have totally disappointed him and his girlfriend (Andrea). He brought up that I hadnt seen Jacob in a while and that any of my excuses of school work, work, dating werent good enough. He also throws in my face that one day about a month ago, he asked me to babysit, I said yes and then had to cancel because I forgot I had an appointment that I couldnt cancel but couldnt take him to. Because of that one incident, I am totally unreliable.
I countered all of this with a very important issue that had been eating me up inside for a while. When Jacob was born and before they asked me to be his Godmother, Justin and I had an agreement that I would be their babysitter. Justin took paternity leave and Andrea went back to work, but when Justin went back to work, I would be the babysitter. After I got my current job, an obstacle arose with scheduling. My current schedule is ANYTHING but consistent. I get my schedule on a monthly basis. I totally understood that this posed a problem because Justin and Andrea's schedules are very consistent. Justin posed an idea about sharing the babysitting between me and a friend of theirs, who is a stay at home mom. I thought this to be perfect! I would take the days I could and she could have the rest! Then all of a sudden, Justin tells me that that isnt what is going to happen and that he found someone else to look after Jacob for $25 a day. The decision was based soley on money. My initial rate was $50 for a full day and $35 for a half day. Justin agreed to this rate from the very beginning.
I consider myself to be very understanding, giving and rational.
If at ANY time...Justin came to me and said..."you looking after Jacob is very important to us, but we are just having a hard time with the money" I would have dropped the rate to whatever they needed. If I could babysit him reglulary for free...I would.
I was heartbroken. Not only did they not consider my feelings but they also didnt approach me to see if I would lower my cost. It is very true that I dont have to agree with their decisions, that I just have to respect them...but I took this very personally. But I kept my mouth shut in hopes that they would change their minds.
Everything completely blew up between Justin and I. We aren't speaking anymore and I am assuming that I am no longer a Godmother. This is such a huge slash to my heart and soul. I am still very upset over this, despite the rationality that I dont think Justin or Andrea really cared about me. I feel totally used. I did a lot for them and for Jacob. I dont want recognition...I just need to reinforce how much that little boy meant to me. Justin totally thinks I'm lying because I let other things come before seeing Jacob on a regular basis.
I tried outlining the last three months of my life but he didnt see any of the reasons as viable.
- Nanny passed away on December 5th. I was in Kingston for at the most 8 days and saw Jacob twice. December 2005 will remain the hardest month of my life. Christmas was emotional and I needed to be with my mom and sister as much as possible. (according to Justin - didnt matter)
- In Janurary I started 4 upper year university courses. (according to Justin - school isnt as important)
- I was dating a man in Ottawa from for 2 months. December until mid/late January. (according to Justin - any free time should be with them and not spent driving to and from Ottawa)
- I worked 15 days straight in January. And I think in total I worked 26 out of 31 days for the Kims. (according to Justin - I dont understand sacrifice)
- I also made a committment to myself on Decemeber 31st. That a lot of things would change in 2006. For the last few years, I put a few family members needs before my own. I do NOT regret moving back home at all. I do not regret the time I lost in university to spend as much time with Nanny and help take care of her. I also do not regret the time I invested in my uncle Terry or the voice I gave the family when we (mainly my Mom and Nanny) needed it. Now, I truly and whole heartedly feel that I deserve to make myself a priority. That my need and desire for education and success is very important. I tried to explain this to Justin. And he told me that I would never be a good mother if I always put myself first.
How could anyone be so wrong about me?
When I moved to Kingston, I started working at one of the local call centers (Assurant Solutions). One of the worst jobs of my life let me tell you! But I met some nice people and became quite good friends with Justin. His girlfriend had a baby - Jacob - in June and they asked me to be Jacob's Godmother. Needless to say, I was thrilled! Jacob spent a lot of time with me and when needed, I was the babysitter. For quite some time, Jacob and I were spending 2 days a week together. Simply awesome!
A few days ago, Justin told me that he wanted child care receipts for every time I babysat. Never before had he mentioned this, and obviously, I wasnt keeping track. Had I known I was claiming this minimal income, I would have recorded every day and all expenses that I incurred to ensure that Jacob was being given the optimal care he deserves!
- I bought an exosaucer, brand new from a second hand store for less than half the price
- I was regularly buying formula so they didnt have to worry about sending theirs
- I bought other little toys for him to have here
Justin became outraged when I said I wasnt going to provide him with a receipt. Saying that I was screwing him over and didnt care and tried to convince me to write him a receipt and for me not to claim it. This clearly showed me that he didn't care if I was committing fraud - he wants as much money as he can get from the government. He claims he told me from the beginning he wanted receipts, but why would I disregard that? Why would I intentionally try to "screw" a friend. I also told him that IF he had told me this, I would have asked him to take deductions off my pay. Makes sense?
Immediately he brings up that I have totally disappointed him and his girlfriend (Andrea). He brought up that I hadnt seen Jacob in a while and that any of my excuses of school work, work, dating werent good enough. He also throws in my face that one day about a month ago, he asked me to babysit, I said yes and then had to cancel because I forgot I had an appointment that I couldnt cancel but couldnt take him to. Because of that one incident, I am totally unreliable.
I countered all of this with a very important issue that had been eating me up inside for a while. When Jacob was born and before they asked me to be his Godmother, Justin and I had an agreement that I would be their babysitter. Justin took paternity leave and Andrea went back to work, but when Justin went back to work, I would be the babysitter. After I got my current job, an obstacle arose with scheduling. My current schedule is ANYTHING but consistent. I get my schedule on a monthly basis. I totally understood that this posed a problem because Justin and Andrea's schedules are very consistent. Justin posed an idea about sharing the babysitting between me and a friend of theirs, who is a stay at home mom. I thought this to be perfect! I would take the days I could and she could have the rest! Then all of a sudden, Justin tells me that that isnt what is going to happen and that he found someone else to look after Jacob for $25 a day. The decision was based soley on money. My initial rate was $50 for a full day and $35 for a half day. Justin agreed to this rate from the very beginning.
I consider myself to be very understanding, giving and rational.
If at ANY time...Justin came to me and said..."you looking after Jacob is very important to us, but we are just having a hard time with the money" I would have dropped the rate to whatever they needed. If I could babysit him reglulary for free...I would.
I was heartbroken. Not only did they not consider my feelings but they also didnt approach me to see if I would lower my cost. It is very true that I dont have to agree with their decisions, that I just have to respect them...but I took this very personally. But I kept my mouth shut in hopes that they would change their minds.
Everything completely blew up between Justin and I. We aren't speaking anymore and I am assuming that I am no longer a Godmother. This is such a huge slash to my heart and soul. I am still very upset over this, despite the rationality that I dont think Justin or Andrea really cared about me. I feel totally used. I did a lot for them and for Jacob. I dont want recognition...I just need to reinforce how much that little boy meant to me. Justin totally thinks I'm lying because I let other things come before seeing Jacob on a regular basis.
I tried outlining the last three months of my life but he didnt see any of the reasons as viable.
- Nanny passed away on December 5th. I was in Kingston for at the most 8 days and saw Jacob twice. December 2005 will remain the hardest month of my life. Christmas was emotional and I needed to be with my mom and sister as much as possible. (according to Justin - didnt matter)
- In Janurary I started 4 upper year university courses. (according to Justin - school isnt as important)
- I was dating a man in Ottawa from for 2 months. December until mid/late January. (according to Justin - any free time should be with them and not spent driving to and from Ottawa)
- I worked 15 days straight in January. And I think in total I worked 26 out of 31 days for the Kims. (according to Justin - I dont understand sacrifice)
- I also made a committment to myself on Decemeber 31st. That a lot of things would change in 2006. For the last few years, I put a few family members needs before my own. I do NOT regret moving back home at all. I do not regret the time I lost in university to spend as much time with Nanny and help take care of her. I also do not regret the time I invested in my uncle Terry or the voice I gave the family when we (mainly my Mom and Nanny) needed it. Now, I truly and whole heartedly feel that I deserve to make myself a priority. That my need and desire for education and success is very important. I tried to explain this to Justin. And he told me that I would never be a good mother if I always put myself first.
How could anyone be so wrong about me?
posted by Amanda | 5:21 AM
2 Comments:
Seems to me that you are right. This piece of crap was using you. If you ask me, sounds like he's trying to duck out of his parenting responsibilities and dump his kid on someone else when it's convinient for him and never mind the other person. Ignorant people like that really gripe my ass. I think I just had a thought...
Sounds to me like Justin should catch a boat to fuck-offity-land!!!
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